Today I was in the kitchen, busy with preparations for the RS Broadcast dinner. Ashlee was in the other room, playing the piano, and she had chosen to play from a "Sound of Music" collection. As she began playing "Climb Every Mountain" the words started through my head, and it related so much to my thoughts about her and her life lately:
Climb every mountain
Follow every byway
Every path you know
Every path you know
Ford every stream
Follow every rainbow
Till you find your dream
A dream that will need
All the love you can give
Every day of your lifeFor as long as you live
Climb every mountain
Ford every stream
Follow every rainbow
Till you find your dream
She's in her last year of high school, with so many decisions and so much excitement coming in her near future. She definitely has some mountains to climb, some paths to follow, and some dreams to pursue. We don't know any of the details yet--the order in which it will all take place, which experiences will be the hardest, which will be the most fun, which will bring the most growth...
She might find some of her dreams relatively easily. Others might take a lifetime of effort yet still be unrealized. As her mom, how am I going to handle watching it all unfold? In some ways I can't wait and I'm filled with excitement for her. In other ways, I'm terrified, sad, and find myself wondering where the time went. I think back to the days right after we brought her home from the hospital, when I just held her and stared at her and couldn't believe she was really mine. I think of that time in our lives and I just want to start all over and raise her again--she's been such a joy.
Every time she plays the piano I'm reminded how much I'm going to miss those sounds when she's gone from our home. As I stood there today, listening to the music, thinking of her future and how terribly I'll miss her, it felt like one of those moments when time stops. It was such an interesting combination of emotions--I love hearing her play the piano and I just soak it in whenever she does, but as she played this particular song the words began to play in my mind, which brought a lot of reflection and then, of course, some sadness.
I know it is what it is. Children grow up. Things change. Life moves on.
I know her dreams will come true. I know she'll have wonderful opportunities, beyond anything any of us can imagine now. She has blessings awaiting her that will continue into the eternities. I know she'll climb the mountains to get there, I know it will be amazing, and I know through it all, no matter where she goes, I'll still be her mom. So it's all ok............
(Right???)
=)
