You Better Know How Much I Freakin' Love You!!!

The three youngest kids and I went to a public pool with some friends today.  I was thoroughly basking in this stage of life I've reached, where all of my children are confident swimmers and I don't even have to get in the water if I don't want to.  (Woohoo!!!)
I still put a swimsuit on today, so that I could have the option of getting wet, or maybe get just a little sun on my whiteness--but definitely with no intention of actually swimming!
Well, our time at the pool went pretty-much as planned.  The kids were in various places (along with about 500 other people), but I could easily keep an eye on them as I went around to spend a little time with each one.
We were wrapping things up and I had let them know we were leaving in about 10 minutes.  I had spent most of my time with Chase, since he's the youngest and the two girls were mostly staying together.  Even though he's 8, we had wandered over to the shallow ("baby pool") area and were hanging out there.  It was still deep enough for him to swim in, and I could walk around in it and stay cool, so it was great.
I reminded Chase that we were leaving in a few minutes, and I told him I was going to go a few feet away and sit on a lounge chair until it was time to go.  I walked away but he soon joined me and asked the dreaded question:  "Mom, will you race me across the pool?"
"WHAT?!?!?!?!"  I started laughing, and told him I wasn't going to swim today.  Simple.  Not happening.
Then came the begging.  And then even some tears.  (Now, I have to say right here that I'm a firm believer in not giving in to kids because they cry--not that I don't have my weak moments though!  But there's a difference between spoiled crying and just very disappointed crying.)  I quickly came to realize that I had just crushed what he thought was a fun and fabulous idea.  He had no reason to expect that I would be anything but as enthusiastic about it as he was.  And now I had completely squashed his excitement.
I was so torn.  There's nothing I hate more than unnecessarily disappointing my children (regarding my time spent with them, NOT things; they're disappointed every time we go to Target and I won't buy them stuff, but that falls into a whole different parenting department).  (Sorry, had to specify.)  I want my kiddos to always know that I love to be with them, I'll do just about anything crazy with them that they want, and if I don't have a really good reason to say no I try not to.  But I can't even put into words how much I DID NOT want to get wet from head-to-toe today.  My hair was somewhat decent and had managed to stay that way, I was nice and warm (the water was not!), and I was looking forward to heading home in a few minutes, happy and dry.
I contemplated my situation, as my little wet boy stood there looking at me, his tears blending in with the pool water on his face.  Finally I stood up from my lounge chair, put my face right up to his, smiled and said, "Alright!  But you better know how much I freakin' love you!!!"
The smile I received in return was worth it all.  I accepted it as payment in advance.
Well, another demand was added to the request:  This race was to take place in the baby pool.  Again, WHAT?!?!?!?!  (This time I was smart enough to just think it, not say it.)
Yep.  He wanted to race there.  Why?  Because he's eight, and 8-year-old boys sometimes get excited over strange ideas.  That's the only explanation I can come up with.
I wasn't about to shatter his whole world yet again, so in we went.  (My loss of dignity began with the birth of my first child, so I've learned to do my best to disregard the judgments of others.)  I tried not to give thought to the adults who I could be sure would notice this full-grown woman swimming across the 18"-deep pool.  I was doing this for my little boy, and for this moment he was all that mattered.
So, five races were held.  He planned it all.  His excitement grew with each race.  The water was freezing, my mascara was about an inch below my eyes by the time we finished, and I did catch several odd looks from people glancing my way.  But my little boy was as happy as could be, and I'm pretty sure when we left the pool there was no doubt in his little mind that his mama ABSOLUTELY FREAKIN' LOVES HIM.

Memories

As we were driving in the car recently, Emmee and I started talking about how fun it would be to go back in time, or to just pick a day here or there to relive.  Then we took it a step further and decided the ideal scenario would be to be able to take one family member at a time and just relive a day with them being a certain age.  We talked about how fun it would be to have a 3-year-old Spencer for a day, with his little raspy voice, his funny songs he sang (with actions), his short temper that wasn't as funny then but is hilarious to look back on now...
We talked about how fun it would be to have brand-new baby Chase again, fresh from heaven, and to snuggle and cuddle him for hours on end.  I can think of moments and stages with each of my kiddos that I would love to do all over again.  But, sadly, those moments are behind us now, and we only have the present and the future to live.  Except in our memories.
I look at the young moms around me--so sweet with their little ones, enjoying the precious moments and making the most of them.  I also think about the exhaustion that comes with all of it--the sleepless nights followed by days with high-energy toddlers and older ones who have places to go and things to do, and needing rides to all of them.  The work can be taxing and relentless, even for the best of moms.
But as I look back now, I wish I had written down more of the "everyday" events.  I recorded the funny things the kids said, the cute things they did, the sweet moments that got me through the smushed Cheerios and diaper blowouts.  I just wish I could look back and remember a "typical" day--what did I do first-thing in the morning when Spencer was a baby?  Did I ever get up on my own, without kids coming and climbing in my bed?  How had things changed by the time a couple more kids came along?  What DID I do all day, all those days when I looked back at the day and could see nothing that had really been accomplished, yet I knew the only times I had sat down were to feed the baby?  I wish I had written down "a day in the life..." a few times over the years.
So to you moms who are still "in the trenches," doing your best to survive each day with the little-littles, I'll offer my recommendation:  Take a few minutes after the kids are in bed one night and just jot down a few of the things that seem so "everyday" to you right now--what time you got up, how many diaper changes you did that day, how many times you attempted to load the dishwasher, how many times the baby climbed in the dishwasher as you tried to load it, how many times they pulled everything off a shelf or out of a cupboard, how long their naps lasted, what routines were involved in getting them to nap...
Sadly, I know from experience that one day soon you'll blink and find that your kids have somehow grown up overnight.  You'll want to remember what it was like when they were little--even the mundane details.
If you have a 3-year-old, write down a few of his sentences, word-for-word.  Spell the words just like he says them.  If you have a one-year-old, write down the details of her smile, how she looks when she sleeps... the things you're so used to now, that will be hard to remember in just a few short years.  Pictures are great, but record the thoughts you have that go with them.
Maybe one day we'll find out that that's what heaven is--chances to go back and pick and choose a few of our favorite days and moments to live over and over again.  I doubt it, though.  I believe that eternity will continue to move forward, and we'll all continue to progress on our journey, with sweet memories of the past to hold in our hearts forever.
They'll just be easier to hold onto and recall if we've taken a moment to write them down.

Ashlee--Mission Beginnings Video