I'm Gonna Miss This

Last night at bedtime Chase was restless, and since Rob was out in the garage and not coming in right away I decided to bring the little guy into bed with me for the time being. As I've learned to do with all our kids, I laid by him with my eyes closed, so as not to make it a playtime. It wasn't a punishment either; just time to be calm. He was still squirming, turning this way and that, trying to get comfortable. When he finally got comfy, with the covers just right, and seemed to be settled, I laid there taking in all his little actions, and decided I really should write this down. He's my baby, and I'll soon forget the details of what it was like during these years of having little ones so often next to me in bed--these years that, I have to admit sadly, I've sometimes looked forward to having be over with; these years of waking up with an aching shoulder from sleeping with my arm straight up, out of the way, because a little person was right up close to me all night...

First I began to feel light, ever-so-gentle pokes of a little finger on my cheeks and forehead, then eyelids. He really wasn't trying to wake me--and I wasn't asleep anyway; his fingers just needed a little something to do while his body started to relax. Then I felt a little arm reach around my neck, and a couple little fingers began feeling the bones on the back of my neck. Soon the other arm followed, but around the other side, so it had to make its way between the pillow and my neck, which took a little work for him. (I still stayed "asleep," knowing that all of this was part of his process of winding down. I knew if I laughed or talked to him it would just complicate the ritual.)

While his arms were around my neck, his little face was, of course, just a couple inches from mine. It was so hard not to peek at him as I laid there wondering what he might be looking at or thinking about. His little fingers kept quietly studying the top of my spine. I could feel his little breaths on my face, and here and there he would quietly mumble a word or two. I'm sure his mind was going over and over the day's events, and his thoughts sometimes came out in words. Nothing I could make any sense of; no complete thoughts, just little half-words.

Then a big yawn with a little sigh on the end. Then slowly the arms came out from behind my neck and were folded up softly by his head.

A few seconds later I felt a little foot squirm its way between my thigh and the bed. I felt a slightly scratchy little toenail--it really has been awhile since I trimmed them... :( Then the foot got pulled back out, and then put back again at a slightly different angle. Much better. Or maybe not... The foot got pulled out yet again, and turned slightly for a third try. Finally he pulled it out again and decided its final resting place needed to be between my thighs. And there it stayed.

My sweet little cuddle-buddy, joining me just until my Big Cuddle-Buddy came to bed. As much as I've looked forward to consistently having just two of us in the bed, I have to admit that I REALLY AM GONNA MISS THIS.